Posted by Anonymous on 2015/07/21 under Uncategorized I think one reason i feel empty is because im not the type of person who laughs out loud at anything they find remotly funny, i dont have a personality that i like, i want someone elses personality because i love nearly everything about it, but i cant be that person, and it pains me, i barely find myself in a mood where i can just be happy, maybe i havent found the right people, i never find the right people though, because they are with the personality i long for, i dont have the voice i love and never will, i know im a good singer, but i dont have the voice i want, its wrong to want to be that person, i feel wrong for not being able to feel their life, they are a person, not just entertainment, i understand but i cant feel it, and i hate that, i wonder if i had made other choices in my life if i would like who i am, i want to be with people who make me laugh constantly everyday while doing something i love, while i cant do what i love, and i want to do the same for them, but i havent had a good laugh in such i long time, the last one i remember being two to three years ago, why cant i talk to them the way i want to, why cant i make them smile, why cant i think of anything to say, i want to let them talk but they dont talk to me, i try to talk to them and they dont respond, maybe thats why i always ask for peoples thoughts after i show them something, i dont want it to be the end of that experience so soon, it was boring, it ended so much quicker than it could have, but they choose not to speak for most likely the same reasons as i, i wish i didnt dread life, it seems so boring and work filled, the only pure joy i get is from watching others live the lives i wish i had, being surrounded by the best people, the person i wish to be has the perspective i wish i had as well, every day is something to look forward to, but every day seems like a neusense, i need to read that book on that point, maybe it can help me, maybe i can be a better person, not rage out loud yet let it be known that i am mad, ive pretty much run out of things to say, im only fourteen why am i thinking all of this… I want to be happy
2 thoughts on “Empty”
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its just hormones. 14 is a hard age. I’ll be real with you. I’m 28 don’t consider myself an adult, but i was the same at your age. Very socially awkward and I still am. You seem to be a smart kid, I hope these words aren’t lost on you… here goes… Life sucks.. almost always, no single person in this world is going to solve your problem but yourself. Its an issue YOU will have to work out in your head over the span of your lifetime. The quicker you realize your the only person that can change your situation the better. Otherwise you will find yourself almost 30 years old regretting the chances you never took, realizing the best years of your life we’re wasted worrying what others think of you or an even worse outcome(I’m actually lucky). With that said. Your very young and i’m sure it’s very hard for a 14 year old these days. Probably the worst year of my life until i learned real struggle. You too will learn real struggle within time. This world is full of it. One day you will look back and wish you woulda just lived instead of caring so much about ”others living the life you wish you had.”
That thought process is very harmful, wishing for what could be or what once was will get you nothing but more regret and self loathing. You said ”I wish I didnt dread life, it seems so boring and work-filled”. Life may seem this way for you at 14. Trust me though when I say the next decade of your life will involve many changes in the way you think, and things you like now you might hate in 10 years, or vice versa. Many adults I know would be happy to have a ”boring work-filled” life. I’m not trying to underrate the struggles and tribulations you’ve been through already, but the truth is, you just haven’t seen enough of the worlds dark side to understand that just having a job is something to be happy about. Your teachers and parents may have shielded you from the horrible truth. I will not fail you as they have in that aspect. They should have told you early and often, that you can’t grow up and be whatever you want to be.. That is an unrealistic expectation for any child. You might find certain things in life that grab your attention or interest you, as long as they aren’t drugs,sex,or violence… I suggest finding something you love, and use the time you’ve set aside to beat yourself up with and instead put the time into learning about something that motivates you. If you feel you have learned all you can repeat this process with a new subject/hobby/part-time job. Anything is better then spending the best years of your life searching the internet for help. I’m glad I’m here to respond to you. I know my advice isn’t terrible at least. I wish someone would have told me how things really are. They didn’t and i wasted many years of my life on false hope’s and unrealistic expectations. You seem smart, just live your life, think positive the best you can, I know it is hard, but just keep doing things that will help you as an adult, your gonna need it, and you only chance to prepare is now. I always thought it was really messed up when your a young person barely even a teenager and you must make your most important life decisions during that time. It’s not right. I was too young and stupid to realize something like dropping out of school pretty much sabotages the rest of your life, you can get a GED but you will always regret it. I’m rambling and have spoke too much. I just want you to see a glimpse of what you could become… an empty shell mooching off your parents money regretting every decision you ever made and praying to god everyday to help you fix yourself only to wake up the following day and set yourself even further back because your a drug addicted 20-something who found out too late that life is more than who is popular or who is cool, or who you wish you could be. Its about learning to be who you are and making the most out of what you got. Think about the kids in africa many not even teenagers… yet, still they are worrying about clean water or unsure of when they might get thier next meal. It can always be worse. Look around you, enjoy being young, it doesn’t last forever, every man bleeds, every man dies. You may feel invincible now but that won’t last very long. Keep yourself busy with things that motivate you!!! <<<<<That is priceless advice I promise you. As far as singing goes… I suggest you sing your heart out and practice with your vocal chords every chance you get, your voice will change by the time you hit your twenties and even into your thirties. You may come out with a very different voice than you have now. Another suggestion I have is get some friends you can relate to. Find someone with the same interests you have, close to your age and just start making small talk with them, if you don't like em move on and try out a new person to see if your more compatible with their personality. Talking ith someone you can trust will do you some good, whether a friend from school, or even your mom. You need to have someone you can talk to. Holding all those feelings inside is dangerous and will only set you back in the long run. I will end my advice here, good luck to you, I wouldn't have wasted all my time typing this, if I didn't give a s***. You remind me of myself, i know… cliche' right? No matter cliche' or not, I hope my mistakes can teach you something, if my advice prevents even one of the mistakes I made at your age, then I am happy. Focus on bettering yourself, stay busy, and find friends you can really trust to share your life with. Most importantly don't do drugs, you got two places drugs will take you, a prison cell or a coffin. Again… Good luck young skywalker
Yeah I been there to if I can make it out you can , too.